And it's an even better Bo Diddley song.

Was it Garfield's doctors who put beef broth up his ass? I ask this seriously, as I remember reading somewhere that his doctors thought feeding him rectally would help.

The simple solution to this is stop putting ketchup on everything.

My bowels seem to be looser on the Taco Bell.

You worked with Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby?

Isn't that British slang for a dick?

That seems like a pretty dangerous way to check food's internal temperature.

Bruce "Department Supervisor" Springsteen

The J section that comes before could also provide some fireworks.

Testing: spoiler So that's how you do that, huh?

In my house it was always Candied Mams and Steamed Hams.

It's an article about a Buzzfeed article about orange juice.

More like:

What do you think that orange slice is for?

Also good for wardin' off the scurvy.

I had some friends that would mix Busch Light and orange juice, calling it an Orange Duke. I tried it once and they were fucking terrible. One other guy once mixed PeachTree peach schnapps with Busch Light.

That sounds even worse than the time me and a college friend bought a bottle of Southern Comfort, then realized the only thing we had to mix it with was some blue/purple berry/tropical Kool-Aid. It was terrible, but we killed the bottle.

OK USA!

Go ahead and lie about a fart in Judge Judy's court of law. See what happens.

I can't decide whether the joke here is based on "Steel Bars" or "Time, Love and Tenderness" and I'm kind of depressed that I could think of three Michael Bolton songs off the top of my head. "How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends" was the other.