d. u. m. b. everyone's accusin me

It's gonna take a LOT more than a couple car bombs to get us off this case!

I enjoy hilarious Asian accents also

This was the largest auto that I could afford. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?

HATE CRIME!

Dios mio, un candelabra precarioso!

Who the fuck is Renee Zelwegger?

You hear me, Constantine? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS LOSE!!!

So…
this is more than Kentucky-sploitation? It sounded pretty terrible to me as a resident of the glorious Commonwealth, but that's a good review. And god knows there are some fucked up characters in eastern Kentucky.

aaron kelly
I prefer to call him Rural Archuleta

I just want my kids back!

Forget it, Pattinson. It's Chinatown.

Yeah, go young. "Young Guy and the Sea." Big spring breaker for us. CGI the fish. Let's fast-track this one.

a PR kerfuffle?
It sounds more like a foofaraw to me.

Futurechimp wrote the book on flim-flammery. Just call him Grifty McGrift.

Varg probably has an internet connection and we all know he has a bit of a temper, so…um. Burzum rules!

WELCOME TO THE STEAM ROOM
Think you can handle it?!

…or Loaded Weapon 1, wherein she plays the beautiful Miss Demeanor. That movie is pretty awesome, by the way.

Other Hosts, Other Red Carpets
Who was the male host during the red carpet special? He had the funniest line of the night by far. When interviewing Sara Jessica Parker, he asked her about her jewelry, and she said that they were loaners and she would have to give them back. He goes, out of nowhere, "You should…

Agreed man—I have a (still living) boston terrier and that shook me to my core for some reason