Cracked.com is as legitimate as my blog, herearelistsof10thingsIonly…

I always feel better with a hot sausage in my hand and some pearl jam in my ear.

I always feel better with a hot sausage in my hand and some pearl jam in my ear.

WHEN YOU MAKE GUN OWNERSHIP ILLEGAL ONLY THE RATS WILL HAVE GUNS.

WHEN YOU MAKE GUN OWNERSHIP ILLEGAL ONLY THE RATS WILL HAVE GUNS.

The wallpaper has to go because its ribbed.  Seriously, who does ribbed wallpaper anymore?  Is her vagina a truckstop now?

The wallpaper has to go because its ribbed.  Seriously, who does ribbed wallpaper anymore?  Is her vagina a truckstop now?

Crotch grinding introduces a whole other set of problems though.  For instance, how long of a grind is equal to an hour's work?  How much pressure?  Because I tell you what, I play a song for a woman and get 10 seconds of some half-assed hover-grinding, Ima be pissed.

Crotch grinding introduces a whole other set of problems though.  For instance, how long of a grind is equal to an hour's work?  How much pressure?  Because I tell you what, I play a song for a woman and get 10 seconds of some half-assed hover-grinding, Ima be pissed.

Because of course it is?

Because of course it is?

I'm going to CUT YOUR COMMENT IN-TO PIECES SOMETHING SOMETHING I'M SO ANGRY (sung to a 4-4 beat).

I'm going to CUT YOUR COMMENT IN-TO PIECES SOMETHING SOMETHING I'M SO ANGRY (sung to a 4-4 beat).

Well I see someone took their holier-than-thou pill today.

Well I see someone took their holier-than-thou pill today.

I thought women were generally against calling their cunts choco tacos?  Or wait…

I thought women were generally against calling their cunts choco tacos?  Or wait…

Eh. @Big_Knife:disqus 's wife is only #3 on my list, behind his mother and Christina Hendricks.

Eh. @Big_Knife:disqus 's wife is only #3 on my list, behind his mother and Christina Hendricks.

Star! Trek? Into! Darkness?