That's a consequence of the light Doppler shift caused by moving through time.

It's a Christmas miracle that maddens the survivors!

Yeah, sounds like you just, uh, what could you possibly have been doing that was more important than following Internet stuff? Well, never mind. You're here now, wasting your life away like the rest of us, so let's not dwell on the mistakes of the past.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that I sincerely hope they throw their hearts into reviving the phenomenon, and that their faith ultimately yields to disappointment, cynicism, and a loss of creative spirit, leaving them dead-eyed and defeated.

Please don't admit to not recognizing Homestar Runner. You'll just provoke a bunch of children into complaining about how old they feel.

As a limbless blind Australian woman, I find these criteria problematic.

Yeah, well, in the morning I'll be sober.

Bill Murray will be back. Even if he can afford to retire, he will miss that feeling of being an important contributor to civilization's great project that comes from being a software developer or probably an actor.

That is so non-canon. The wit and wisdom of "Sean"'s columns could only be the written expression of a soul that manifests itself physically in a face of rare delicacy and beauty, probably Scarlett Johannson's.

I agree, but "This is stupid" is just an opinion. You have to rephrase it with more finesse in order to make it a fact.

That article is terrible. Any upvotes you receive should be seen as an indictment of the voter and of society generally, not as an indication that the article presents any kind of insight or humor that would appeal to a functioning individual over the age of twelve.

There were fewer choices around here 20 years ago, but if I'd given the matter appropriate consideration I could have done better.

How about somebody who hasn't had fried chicken before, so they actually notice the grease on the outside and the loads more grease inside once they bite in? The reaction surprised me too, but mainly because what they noticed had become invisible to me. In retrospect, KFC was not the best choice.

George Lucas is on the phone to Disney to make this happen retroactively.

The sports column built on that conceit was great, but the joke had to run dry at some point.

I think it's admirable how both of your parents have found ways to fill their free time.

Sorry, I honestly thought you were playing games here, instead of that being your genuine understanding of the argument — which doesn't make that understanding right, but it does make the grumbling about word games out of place and rude.

Deterrence happens surprisingly often for something that never happens, according to this study based on interviews with felons.

Many so-called fallacies can be valid in context, but slippery slope arguments… ecch. If someone has to settle for protesting that doing a lot more than what is being proposed would be bad, it sounds more like an unwilling endorsement than a counterargument.

"Most of the killers got their guns legally" is more of an anti-citation, in that if they meant all, they would probably say so. Where does it say what you claim?