Which reminds me: "Puzzle Heart" is a freaking great pop song, and just as catchy as anything the New Pornographers have done. Totally and sadly overlooked.

Cheadle's "Hotel" spectrum
Coincidentally, just looking at the poster for "Hotel for Dogs" makes me want to take a machete to everyone involved with the movie. Thanks, Don Cheadle, for un-teaching me all the valuable lessons you taught me in "Hotel Rwanda."

Cheadle's "Hotel" spectrum
Coincidentally, just looking at the poster for "Hotel for Dogs" makes me want to take a machete to everyone involved with the movie. Thanks, Don Cheadle, for un-teaching me all the valuable lessons you taught me in "Hotel Rwanda."

Misdirected hate
The proper targets for this hate are the "real people" in the audience who acted so surprised upon discovering that they'd just enjoyed a Pizza Hut pizza. Food snobs suck ass. Especially when they're marking out over a high-end version of what is essentially trash food. Like pizza. "Oh, I only eat…

Michael Phelps looks slightly less retarded than Gheorge Muresan. Slightly.

HELP…IFAICGU!!! K THX BYE

Does this mean…
…more Rudy Vallee ring tones?

Yeah, kids are annoying as hell anyway. But kids at Christmas, with a karaoke machine? It'd be murder time.

Every kiss may begin with Kay…
But every blow-J begins with Tiffany's.

I don't have a problem with this.
I mean, as long as they can afford all those kids, I say more power to them.

How…
…does this not star Kirk Cameron?

The ShamWhoop.

The first thing you lost today was your balls. The second was your temper (as evidenced by the frantic ALL CAPS). First hard, or don't first at all.

This is what it sounds like…
…when God cries.

Years from now…
…critics will still be raving about Johnny Depp's edgy, Oscar-winning turn as the Top Hat.

even better pickup line
Every weekend I tell at least one stripper that the dollar bill I'm shoving into her g-string is the one from the Nevermind cover.