This is what happens when Billy Joel tries to be edgy and subversive. I think we can all learn a lesson here.

He was also a raging drunk and kind of a dick.

If you want to talk about badass presidents, I was once involved in a gang fight against Henry Clay's supporters, I was also a Brigadier fucking General in the Civil war. I also put that bitch Roscoe Conkling in his fucking place when I became president in 1881 after the guy who was President before me was shot in the…

Rosie O Donnell is the obvious choice here.

Badass Digest is edited by Charlie Sheen.

Nothing will ever beat the golf cart scene in the first jackass.

When I was president, shit was off the hizzy. Not like that tight ass Rutherford B. Hayes and his pain in the ass wife.

Franklin Pierce
Reznor could do a pretty good job playing Franklin Pierce. Looks just like him now. If they ever set a vampire movie during my administration, I would want Lemmy to play me. He's the only one who could pull of this facial hair.

Here's what Lucas needs to do as long as we're redoing everything again. If you take the first three films, take out all of the scenes involving Jar Jar Binks, and all of the scenes where Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman talk, you would have maybe two solid movies. Then you film Hambone Renfro's movie as the…

I would watch this
If they replaced Jar jar with Charlie Sheen. It would be a whole different movie. One that's full of win.

Caligula in 3D. I would pay to see that.

Darth Maul
The lightsaber duel at the end was fucking badass. I'd pay to see that in 3D. The rest, not so much.

Ghost Adventures is the superior show because they are all a bunch of bros in ed hardy shirts who go around yelling and challenging the ghosts to fight. I enjoy getting really drunk and watching that show. It's fucking hilarious.

Crowbar
The new Crowbar sound fucking good. The last Kingdom of Sorrow album wasn't terrible either. The fat guy from Crowbar needs to start more bands.

Souls At Zero and Silver In Blood are fucking masterpieces. I could never get into anything after though because that huge bald dude doesn't do the backing vocals anymore and the guy that looks like Charlie Day does all the singing.

Kill Trend Suicide was the first grind record that I owned. I bought it because of the awesome cover art.

As long as Amon Amarth is still dressing like vikings with beer guts I am on board with anything they release.

I liked metal for a good twenty years before the AV Club. Pierce introduced me to a whole bunch of shit I would have never otherwise bothered listening to, so he's cool in my book.

Thanks nerd. He can match the vocals of a man with a four octave vocal range, commonly considered to be one of the best actual singers in metal. Is that better?

It just got worse.