"We're doing this for you boy, not doing it for me!"

"We're gonna have leadership the way my old man told me! You, put a hankercheif on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, swing on the porch all night!"

"Get that cat off the piano!"

"Fetuses can blow in the womb!" -Pro-lifer

Hey, phone sex has been around since Alexander Graham Bell said "Waston, cum in here!"

It gets tough to distinguish where the line between unfair judging and good taste/ethics is when we get into the really taboo fantasies, like incest, rape, and bestiality. But when your issue is "we don't want to actually promote this stuff in reality, just get off in our own beautiful dark twisted fantasy," then it…

It really is great on IMDB that Edmund Gwenn's actor picture is Santa Claus.

*Curb music plays*

I'm pretty sure, as originally written, Shylock was a pretty stereotypical Evil Jew but we have since added a sympathetic angle to his actions because of our understanding of history that Shakespeare obviously didn't have and, of course, that newfound knowledge that the Jews aren't actually evil Christ haters happily…

Apu living with the Simpsons?! It happened!

…you sure you don't mean "The Trade-Ins"? Or is this a joke I'm missing?

I'd like to think that Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" is about Supes and Lois' relationship.

I am shocked anybody could stand playing that glitchy-ass port of Pac Man on Atari for more then 5 minutes.

This is probably just because I read Huck Finn 100+ years after it was written, but I always assumed it's use of the N word was intentional to building up towards the "I'll go to Hell" moment in the story. Everything in Huck's life points towards Jim being less then human, right down to the way people talk about him,…

Basically the idea is, when the song is done, somebody starts chanting "Are you one, are you two, are you three" ect. until you get to the actual age the person is. So, in theory, if somebody is turning 31, you keep doing it until you get to "Are you thirty-one?" I have never seen anybody successfully get past "Are…

Basically, you add "Cha-cha-cha!" during each verse. So the song becomes

And don't forget the classic "Cha-cha-cha!"

ARE YOU ONE? ARE YOU TWO? ARE YOU THREE? ARE YOU FOUR…

You gave me a soul-kiss.
Boy, it sure was grand.
You gave me a dry hump
Behind the hot dog staaaaand

Downey Jr. remembered back to what his own father did to comfort him at that age, then handed young Jaxson a blunt and an 8-ball.