I'd think he'd want us to assrape the earth. You know, spread more of himself around…

I watch Fox News Entertainment every Monday night. Afterwards my friends and I discuss it, like whether Falafelgate was a work or a shoot, whether they'll ever give Hannity the Super Conservativeweight belt, and whether Shepard Smith is really burned underneath that ugly mask.

Yeah. Conan O'Brien is always making jokes about his "giant Irish head," and contorting his face into ugly shapes, and he's not a bad looking dude in real life, but nobody ever questions his self-esteem. Comedians make fun of themselves for comedy. Let's stop singling out the female ones who do it.

I agree. Tina Fey's book is boring if you don't like jokes.

May I be amazing at you?

Yes. This is why Tina Fey doesn't have a Twitter account. It's like giving away the jokes for free.

As a professor of a type of food, will you do your best to bring back the "taste test" feature if you get the job? This is an election, right?

Damn you, I was going to make that comment, except I'm not a lawyer. I do love video games in New York as well as I don't live there, though.

@avclub-a14343d7aea171bddd5aa6b80e500fd3:disqus , he meant "moreso," pronounced muh-RES-oh, which is a kind of corn-based soup served in the Himalayas.

Not me. But that may be because I have orophasmia, a rare condition in which everything I eat falls out my bottom like a ghost.

I don't want a Hoverboard, I want a Pitbull. Besides, Hoverboards don't work on water unless you got pow-wah.

I didn't know Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. I mean, I knew about his brother and Kermit the Frog…

Yeah, why does TMZ have access to this shit anyway? Is it legal to publish 911 calls on the internet?

Is this a general dough joke or is it specifically about that dough which is used to make flaky breakfast desserts? My evaluation will be based on your answer.

Hey, some of us are trying to be 26 over here! Keep it down!

It's not that weird. A lot of them curve straight up. That's good luck. No, wait, that's elephants.

Naughty words make Baby Jesus cry, you sick motherfucker!

Excellent question. A thousand times yes. I'll also update changes to my occupation, e.g., "A 28 years old ivory dealer" (fingers crossed).

Why? Was there a lot of santorum to rick out?

As a 26 years old nurse, I'm too busy to watch a whole terrible movie, but if it contains a sexy Lea Thompson breast scene, I'll buy the DVD.