I'm taking notes guys. I'll be a better Pitchfork….honest

If it would mean that I could stop being homeless and posting on this site from a public library, then I would say yes.

Californication - 2.5 / Red Shoe Diaries - 10.0
We at Pitchfork appreciate boner inducing goodness. When we aren't staring at our hipster beard ironically or pounding Pabst tallboys, we can usually be found rubbing one out both beautifully and bountifully. We thank Red Shoe Diaries for the years of learning what it…

I give Warren Perso a 9.2, if only for the correct observation that Talk Radio is Stone's best film.

Glee "Sexy" - 5.8
While we commend the show for the out of left field story line of Santana having feelings for Brittany, we can't help but feel that it will remain out in left field for the rest of the season so we can have more shots of Sue Sylvester shoving people to the floor. Contrary to other reviews, we here…

Blu Ray Format - 6.6
While we applaud the format for its unparallelled video and uncompressed audio, we can't help pine for the days of the laser-disc. If only so we could smugly answer the question "What the fuck is that thing" whenever people would point to the large silver plates,

Michael Stipe's Bald Head - 9.3
Rarely in the long storied history of rock and/or roll have we seen a scalp with a glowing sheen as Mr Stipe's. The stubbly scalp is enough to make even the most hardened person allow the band a pass for both "Shiny Happy People" and the majority of "Around the Sun".

Big Love - 4.8; Bill Paxton - 10.0
Big Love as a concept sounds like it would be an ideal setting for a half hour Tyler Perry comedy. But us here at Pitchfork can not ignore the awesomeness that is a one William Archibald Paxton. Bill perfectly encapsulates a character that tends to do his best speechifying standing…

Zach Braff - 3.8
Of course to the denizens of Braff fans (known as Braffettes in most circles), Braff is known as the man who introduced the world to the Shins. But many more knew him as the lovable medical intern/resident/physician in the slapdash comedy triumph called Scrubs (known as Scrubettes in most circles). …

Game Of Thrones - 5.2
For a show containing few thrones and far fewer games, there is still a chance that the public may feel the need to jump aboard this latest series from that channel that wants to remind you they gave you the Sopranos and the character of Turtle. As Sean Bean once said to Icelandic president…

Academy President - 4.8
We can score points on cojones, chutzpah and straight up moxie, but where we draw the line is pure malarkey. A ceremony that kicks off the night with an award presented by a 94 year old stroke victim is just begging to be an afterthought in the public's eye. As bassist Holger Czukay of the…

I give this new a 6.7
Wang