The ORIGINAL Steve McQueen was more animated than this.

I'm busy. James Patterson's new novels are due out next Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

It's been renamed Old Farts & Recreation.

What's up with this crap? I mean literally. Jonah Hill clogs-the-toilet sketch, Jim Parsons' went-in-my-pants sketch … what age SNL writer is writing this stuff, 14?

Yep, if you're going to cast a Kansas sheriff, you pretty much go with Liam Neeson.

Costner's a killer: His only weapons: A baseball bat & golf club from earlier films.

At the ball, Paul Giamatti should have requested a Hitching Post pinot.

She should have hit Alec Baldwin in the head with 30 rocks.

SCTV. Films, for sure, but never forget SCTV.

Maybe he can go back to what he's good at: Playing "Celebrity Apprentice."

Katarina Witt skates in "Ronin," gets a score of 0.0 from judges after dropping dead.

Finally saw it. Film begins in London, population 0. Five people alive in entire city. Four are committing a crime on motorcycles, wearing suits & ties. One cop chases them all by himself. What a guy. The criminal mastermind gets the drop on the cop … and shoots him in the leg. What a guy. Cop spends 1 hour chasing…

A year or 5 from now, every dumb-ass Huffington Post or Entertainment Weekly web site will run a headline: "'30 ROCK' ACTRESS DIES."

A total shock when I first found out that Clark Gable's last line in the uncensored version was "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a fuck."

The critics agree! It's even unfunnier than the other one!!!

Taking bets on who will be the 100th former "Saturday Night Live" cast member to guest on Fallon's show in 2014.

She'd be 1,000 times more immortal — or at least by people in this century — had she been cast in "Wizard of Oz," as the studio originally intended.

He will do 300 standup dates a year, headline Vegas, make millions more and not miss being on TV once. Ever.

One of 10 worst film titles ever. One of 10 worst films ever.

Always thought the most bizarre scene of the movie was Dorothy Provine (often neglected in discussions of this film) suddenly saying she wanted the money for herself, and so she could join a convent. I'm STILL trying to figure out what that was about.