The big surprise for Queen Latifah at the end is that Julia Roberts dies AGAIN.

Queen Elizabeth could have dropped in by helicopter and been funnier.

Queen Elizabeth could have dropped in by helicopter and been funnier.

A future Floppable failure or fiasco, for sure.

A future Floppable failure or fiasco, for sure.

Wild Strawberries and Gilbert Grape still the best of the fruit-titled films.

Wild Strawberries and Gilbert Grape still the best of the fruit-titled films.

A good book from one of my favorite authors …. had high hopes for the film. (Still do.)

A good book from one of my favorite authors …. had high hopes for the film. (Still do.)

The "director" directed guys to sit on a stool and talk to the camera. Brilliant.

The "director" directed guys to sit on a stool and talk to the camera. Brilliant.

Dennis Miller: unfunny then, unfunny now. A show-business tradition.

Dennis Miller: unfunny then, unfunny now. A show-business tradition.

I saw "Jade" with a guy. Walking out, I asked: "So why was Michael Biehn in on it?" He asked: "In on what?" I asked: "Why was he one of the bad guys?" He asked: "He was?" Pretty much sums up "Jade."

I saw "Jade" with a guy. Walking out, I asked: "So why was Michael Biehn in on it?" He asked: "In on what?" I asked: "Why was he one of the bad guys?" He asked: "He was?" Pretty much sums up "Jade."

Harry Potter And The Book That Became A Worst-Seller.

Harry Potter And The Book That Became A Worst-Seller.

In the sequel, the cellist is employed and the Los Angeles Times guy is homeless.

In the sequel, the cellist is employed and the Los Angeles Times guy is homeless.

Paul Hemphill's 1973 novel "Long Gone" is a keeper, and was made into a way-too-overlooked film with William Petersen and Virginia Madsen.