After Rabin's mortifying delay to review "Last Exit to Springfield" (I am going to China to teach for ONE FUCKING YEAR come Friday, and Rabin couldn't even send me off with that review?), I want five people reviewing classic Simpsons every week.  Mistakes like this should never happen again.

Your snark may have been warranted, but I have never and will never consider Jim Carrey to be a human.

Your snark may have been warranted, but I have never and will never consider Jim Carrey to be a human.

How the fuck is Jim Carrey fifty-years old?

How the fuck is Jim Carrey fifty-years old?

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I still would like to know how it got burned.

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I still would like to know how it got burned.

Shitty?  No.  TAKEN was exactly what you'd expect it to be.  By-the-numbers revenge thriller with Liam Neeson adding his usual gravitas.  You could do worse for a movie to watch on a Friday night with a few drinks and a pizza while you sit alone in your empty apartment.

Shitty?  No.  TAKEN was exactly what you'd expect it to be.  By-the-numbers revenge thriller with Liam Neeson adding his usual gravitas.  You could do worse for a movie to watch on a Friday night with a few drinks and a pizza while you sit alone in your empty apartment.

This had better be the review to end all classic reviews.  Given the now over twelve-hour delay, I'm guessing Rabin has been furiously going over draft after draft, knowing that the slightest failure will forever banish him from the Internet.  There is literally no other explanation.  REVIEW DEMAND.

This had better be the review to end all classic reviews.  Given the now over twelve-hour delay, I'm guessing Rabin has been furiously going over draft after draft, knowing that the slightest failure will forever banish him from the Internet.  There is literally no other explanation.  REVIEW DEMAND.

I used to love malls when I was a kid.  There was so much to do!  Then I became an adult and grew to hate malls because I felt uncomfortable being around all the masses of high schoolers.  High school kids are not people.  They don't act like people, they don't look like people, they think they are important for some…

I used to love malls when I was a kid.  There was so much to do!  Then I became an adult and grew to hate malls because I felt uncomfortable being around all the masses of high schoolers.  High school kids are not people.  They don't act like people, they don't look like people, they think they are important for some…

I don't think money is the way to judge stardom.  Best metric in my mind is if you're with a friend/significant other and you're trying to decide a movie to see, and you say, "Hey, ___ is in it, let's see that."  I don't think anybody said, "Hey, Sylvester Stallone is in it, let's see that."  Whereas with legit stars,…

I don't think money is the way to judge stardom.  Best metric in my mind is if you're with a friend/significant other and you're trying to decide a movie to see, and you say, "Hey, ___ is in it, let's see that."  I don't think anybody said, "Hey, Sylvester Stallone is in it, let's see that."  Whereas with legit stars,…

You're asking about the dialogue in EXPENDABLES 2?  I don't plan on seeing it, but the limb I'm about to go out on is made of steel and is being held up by Godzilla:  The dialogue is not of quality in this film.

You're asking about the dialogue in EXPENDABLES 2?  I don't plan on seeing it, but the limb I'm about to go out on is made of steel and is being held up by Godzilla:  The dialogue is not of quality in this film.

Would love to have been in the studio when Dylan was recording either 'Highway 61 Revisited' or 'Blonde on Blonde.'  Dude was in such a creative zone.

Would love to have been in the studio when Dylan was recording either 'Highway 61 Revisited' or 'Blonde on Blonde.'  Dude was in such a creative zone.

It's not my fault that I know horrible people.  I can assure you that I am pretty much perfect, though.