Was he born anally, then?

I FAP WHENEVER

My analyst told me that My Savior Complex may actually derive from a secret desire to eat from My Mother's manger.

Humans are genetically closer to chimps than they are to firetrucks. And humans are apes. So we shouldn't really anthropomestastitize humans, either.

Heaven forbid we "anthropomorphosize" a fellow anthropoid.

Chimpanjews are responsible for all the Monkey Wars!

Chimps aren't allowed to be Rastafarians, due to their well-maintained personal hygiene and strict grooming-habits.

That first paragraph needs to be narrated by Peter Coyote.

Former bear Bart the Bear must be extremely jealous of those fangs.

And the hair that never gets anointed with aromatic oils, as hair should.

Maybe she secretly let her boyfriend direct American Psycho.

It looks like a real life Power Puff Girl.

If by "men" you mean the kind of people who are capable of writing great works of literature, then yes, we are all men.

My Big Fat Greek Finance Minister…

I remember a Saturday morning cartoon that was like Rambo but with rams. I don't remember if it was called Rambo or Lambo. I'm thinking it was Lambo. And I remember that Burger King had toys of them for their kid-meals, too. I remember getting one and giving it to my dog.

So YOU were the guy getting drunk off a bargain brand bottle of mouthwash in the alley behind Walgreens back in 1996 telling the world "I has seen her breasts, and they is luscious!" I've been waiting for the computer guys to invent some kind of database to make it easier for me to track your kind.

What was that one Jane Austen book about the girl and the boy, and the girl isn't quite sure if she merely likes him or if she LIKES HIM likes him, and she struggles with it over the course of 400 small-print pages? Because that one was pretty good.

Tween Peaks.

He does look like he stepped right out of a boy band.

Letting this guy borrow Air Force One…not too bright, are we, Florida?