Even scarier is that is was written way before 9/11.

I feel really bad for the National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.

In the meantime the TV shows will collaborate with the advertisers and just make the shows as loud as the commercials used to be, so after a year passes they won't appear to have changed anything. This is America, after all.

Tempus malleus!

Indiana dog, Indiana dog, Indiana dog

You got blueberry syrup all over my safari jacket.

More like: "A Tale of Two KITTIES!!! Am I right?

That's only because Jews tend to suck at defense.

I'm not afraid to take my semen-stained blanket to the dry cleaners.

Not as hilarious as accidentally killing your own God.

The world could always use more money managers.

Now he can touch women after sundown!

Instead of saying "uh, uh," say the Negro rappists say, Matisyahu says "oy, oy." I'll be here all night.

[dangles hickory smoked bacon in front of Matisyahu's face]

Canada 2011—Stephen Harper's Canada (or is it Queen Elizabeth's Canada?)—is presently holding down Mother Earth, exposing her tar sands, and begging BP to DP her. And when that happens, it'll be, to quote James Hansen, who's not even a misanthrope, "game over for the planet." His climate change predictions have proved…

"Racism is a learned social construct, not an inherited trait… You were taught how to be racist by your racist parents, who were taught how to be racist by their racist parents, and so forth."
—If "racism" is a learned behavior with no roots in evolution, then how did the earliest ancestors acquire this so-called…

There's like, 349.9999999999 million more people to go through.

I GOT GINGERBREAD BUDDIES WHO DIED FACE DOWN IN THE FRUIT CAKE SO YOU AND I COULD ENJOY THIS FAMILY RESTAURANT!!!

We shouldn't use the word "racism" because there's only one race, that's why.

Uhhhhh…..no. America has a problem with "racism" because there's a lot of different-looking people bumping into each other and getting all up in each other's shit. Ever notice how Norway used to seem normal when there were nothing but Norwegians living there? In the last few years, dark-skinned immigrants began to…