[sssssppppppppittttttssssssss coffee, drops mug]

WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT ABOUT RACISM AND CITIZENSHIP!!! THIS IS A NATION OF PEOPLE WHO BUILD FUCKING NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS AT SEA LEVEL RIGHT ON THE MOTHERFUCKING SEA SHORE RIGHT ON TOP OF THE MOST SEISMICALLY ACTIVE FAULT LINE ON THE WHOLE FUCKING PLANET!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEY'RE THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE US THE…

Maybe the Republicans were just vengeful because they didn't appreciate the way we welded their wholes.

All yall just be glad Sir Osis of Thuliver ain't around.

Stupid Americans!

He's not dubbed. He's just doing a good impression. I can tell. I have good hearing. Trust me on this. A few years ago I pointed out that George Clooney was doing Budweiser voice overs and America was all like "Shut the fuck up with that shit!"

He'd be the first.

His mother's hair.

All the pyramids, every one of them, worldwide, all of them were built at PRECISELY the same period in history, which indicates a worldwide alien presence, showing people how to do it. And then, after that, no one ever built another pyramid. No one, that is, but Nicolas Cage.

The Passion of the Christ

He dyed his own kids white, too?

Batman: "Paint my chicken coop!"
Bane: "MAKE ME!"

She'd look better if she still had a face made of human flesh. Yes, that is one of my kinks.

I welcome another prophet. The Moor the merrier.

The Big Blue Bulging-Anus Mustang at the Denver Airport.

I can't wait for the scene where the perv-tester gets taken to jail and Lennie is like, "He's gonna OCCUPY a jail cell, now."

This is ironic because Eddie Murphy once dated a girl named Marion who was really a boy named Barry.

Yep.

Putin On The Ritz

If anything Obama was too conciliatory. He could've said "I'm the president, my party's in the majority, and this is the way it is." You should really question the judgment of someone who thinks Boner and Cantor would appreciate an appeal to reason.