In Putin's Russia, you lose fat.

"I was a stripper!"

CRUNCH

leaked, ha ha.

If Obama's a puppet he should be voiced by Will Arnett.

The UC Davis Pepper-Spray Sith Lord Cop!

She need need learn English talk.

At the height of the Cold War the United States had the equivalent of 1,500 Hiroshima-sized atomic bombs, 50 intercontinental ballistic missiles, 80 missiles on nuclear submarines, 90 missiles on stations overseas, 1,700 bombers capable of reaching the Soviet Union, 300 fighter-bombers on aircraft carriers able to…

Don't blame me, I voted for Reverend Wright.

He probably wears contacts underneath them.

Why hasn't this comment been fagged for review yet?

100% Recycled Aluminati, makes you feel good about saving the environment…..when squiggly light bulbs just aren't enough.

It would be "Illuminaughty," at my house.

You don't need to announce that you're adopting Dennis Miller's voice. You've always spoken like Dennis Miller in my head, just like Teadoust always spoke like Paul Lynde.

Holocausted, Hillary-Swankified, Slumdoggerifically British-Royal-Familiarized, and Steeped in Streep for your viewing pleasure.

The Internet is cultural tofu.

Why so dead?

I know what you mean, Juanito. It makes sense to me, but then I knew who Diablo Cody was before the rest of America did. Before she became a screenwriter she wrote a blog (called "Pussy Ranch," ha ha) which was basically a Twitter account with no character limits for an alternative Minneapolis paper called Citypages,…

He is probably the most original thinker of the modern era. Sometimes you have to wonder if he came from another planet.

We wouldn't have been able to pay off the debts incurred by the New Deal if it hadn't have been for Eff Dee Ahhh's brilliant idea to let the Japs attack Pearl Harbor to justify our entering the Second World Wahhh to end all Wahhhs, which 90% of the American people opposed entering a week before the attack, which gave…