FUCKIN CHAINS, HOW DO THEY CAST OFF?!?!?!

Who said anything about splittin? If anything, Lawyer Lincoln was a rail-monopolizer.

You haven't scratched around in the dirt enough.

Just cheap Irish wasted lives, right?

Well, first he's going to pussy-foot around the awkward reality of it for about three years and half-heartedly suggest some sort of ridiculous African camping trip until it's a political necessity to, uh, you know, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, and then, good God, he'll drop the dandiest proclamation you ever did hear!

"Sup my niggaz!"
—Broham Link, back in the day OLD SKOOL

Emancipator?

What's he doing at that little table?

Michael Fassbender doesn't make his own shoes, either.

A) I know I can't offer you seventy virgins or anything, but baptism is a Hell of a lot easier than blowing yourself up in a room full of infidels.

"Behold: He withholdeth the waters, and they dry up: also He sendeth them out, and they overturn the Earth." Moderation is for fat Chinamen and recovering alcoholics. So go mix yourself a lime rickey and stop acting so cunty.

A) The flood also acted as a worldwide baptism, so even though all the wicked people had to die, their souls were saved from Hell before it happened. You're welcome.
B) Don't be such a pussy. They had to EARN it.

I'm waiting for Lincoln to put a napkin over his head when he notices Robert E. Lee sitting at the next table, getting served first.

Flaming Bundle of Sticks

It's a joke…..an ethnic joke….pertaining to….a Harold and Kumar review.

Fiddlesticks.

You know Buddy Rich? 
Can you get me his autograph?

You know…I can do something for that. Just sayin.

No, no, show us your CROCS!

Make that a CELESTIAL starship navigator.