It really is hate food.  One time the drive-through person messed up my order and gave me three burgers instead of the two I ordered, so naturally I ate all three.  The first went down fine, but the third one put me off White Castle for about six months (apparently my GI tract hadn't calibrated itself to the new…

Is it wrong that I just assume all of these videos are set in Arkansas, New Mexico, on North Dakota?  I know this nation is full of backwaters, but I just assume shit like this only happens in those three states. 

Is it wrong that I just assume all of these videos are set in Arkansas, New Mexico, on North Dakota?  I know this nation is full of backwaters, but I just assume shit like this only happens in those three states. 

All of these videos are gold, but I particularly enjoyed the old man who name-checks Archimedes in explaining how the turkey will displace enough oil to fully cover itself, only to have the oil overflow onto the grill top when he inserts the turkey.  The response he was struggling for is "eureka."

All of these videos are gold, but I particularly enjoyed the old man who name-checks Archimedes in explaining how the turkey will displace enough oil to fully cover itself, only to have the oil overflow onto the grill top when he inserts the turkey.  The response he was struggling for is "eureka."

Indeed.  The turkey in that photo looks like the dude in Hellraiser being resurrected from a pile of goo. 

Indeed.  The turkey in that photo looks like the dude in Hellraiser being resurrected from a pile of goo. 

Well, Idi Amin has never been anything but a servant to the democratic process. 

Well, Idi Amin has never been anything but a servant to the democratic process. 

Didn't El Duce claim that he shot Kurt Cobain in "Kurt and Courtney?"  And didn't he die being hit by a train?  Seems like a charming man.  I'll bet he and Oscar Wilde are laughing it up as we speak. 

Didn't El Duce claim that he shot Kurt Cobain in "Kurt and Courtney?"  And didn't he die being hit by a train?  Seems like a charming man.  I'll bet he and Oscar Wilde are laughing it up as we speak. 

It's not remotely the same thing, but do they have White Castle in Milwaukee?  Those things are small and not covered in thousand-island dressing, and it's almost impossible to eat more than a few of them without reeking of greasy shame and onions.  The only downside is that the desire to eat them worms its way into…

It's not remotely the same thing, but do they have White Castle in Milwaukee?  Those things are small and not covered in thousand-island dressing, and it's almost impossible to eat more than a few of them without reeking of greasy shame and onions.  The only downside is that the desire to eat them worms its way into…

I'll thwart him by insisting that the buffet at my funeral be stocked with fiberglass models of food, and Tang.  Weirdly, I just added that clause to my will last week. 

I'll thwart him by insisting that the buffet at my funeral be stocked with fiberglass models of food, and Tang.  Weirdly, I just added that clause to my will last week. 

Sorry, but if you're going to do Chris Traeger gimmick posts, you need to register a Chris Traeger gimmick account.  Also, you should probably restrict them to the Parks and Rec TVClub boards (we'll let this one slide since it's relevant).

Sorry, but if you're going to do Chris Traeger gimmick posts, you need to register a Chris Traeger gimmick account.  Also, you should probably restrict them to the Parks and Rec TVClub boards (we'll let this one slide since it's relevant).

Probably the least healthy thing I eat regularly (and definitely the saddest): The cafeteria at work* serves popcorn shrimp about once a month, and on that day I go to the cafeteria, buy about two pounds of the stuff, and eat it on the spot (it's happened at least once that I arrived at work already having eaten lunch…

Probably the least healthy thing I eat regularly (and definitely the saddest): The cafeteria at work* serves popcorn shrimp about once a month, and on that day I go to the cafeteria, buy about two pounds of the stuff, and eat it on the spot (it's happened at least once that I arrived at work already having eaten lunch…

Y'know, I think Modell is going to be like one of those 95-year-old smokers who bucks the odds and buries us all.