They should wait until the sequels before they have the entire fleet go to Candy Island.

Stryper (and pretty much all Christian rock bands) for refusing to do performance enhancing drugs.

That poor puppy … being forced to wear a knock-off Cleveland Browns jersey.

At some point, movies won't have writers … they'll just piece together reader submissions from baby boomers detailing how quaint/superior their middle American ways are.

Well, I'm going Togo check it out.

That was Triplette, too?!

I miss Vikings games at TCF Stadium. Getting booze past security is so easy when you're dressed in Carhartts and layers of jackets. Plus, the concourses were always crowded with people waiting for concessions, so the BYOB people were doing the lord's work anyway.

The mental image of Chicago beating the shit out of Billie Joe Armstrong makes me smile.

Yes, let's listen to the man who coined the phrase "economic girlie men" … and subsequently tripled California's debt.

The amount of ass I've crushed thanks to my copy of "Dr. Seuss Goes to War" (collection of political cartoons he did in the 40s … featuring some very racist Japanese caricatures) is astronomical.

It seems like sad animal attractions are common in that area.

Maybe you'll like my script about a thief who poses as a priest to steal rare alabaster carvings … Alapastor.

Add in Come and See, just to be safe.

Pff … I've seen piercings bigger than those.

Besides purple eyes, Evil Optimus needs a pair of truck nutz … or good Optimus … whatever: just give all the Transformers truck nutz.

Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners …

I'm still amazed that this is the same guy who got drunk during a recording of "Doug Loves Movies" and called Leonard Maltin a bitch.

To be fair, he went down during a practice after preseason was over.

On next week's Vikings Chat, I show everyone how to make a Jacksonville Caipirinha … a super-heavy cocktail that will dull the pain of watching a man who has the strength of a make-a-wish kid with progeria start at LT.

Running back class is apparently deep. You guys can just run the Wildcat for every play.