Old-guard sports columnists claim to abhor distraction, the same way a chocolatier might claim to abhor chocolate while he pours a warm ladle of chocolate down his throat and lets the excess chocolate run down his naked torso into a bathtub of chocolate.

Is Carrie's portrayal of a man pretty crappy, too?

Glad he got that awful idea out of his head … now he needs to concentrate on his re-adaptation of Roots.

I was calling out Fred's dangerous behavior before it was cool.

"Dick" … I love it … really rolls off the tongue.

There's an AV Club Hatesong feature on that awful attempt at music.

Two words: ghost fucking

CSI: Citgo Asset Protection

The movie is nothing like the sketches, for better or worse.

Are you talking Waynes? He's not great and is definitely in the "grabby" phase of development, but he has enough natural talent to get by. If he stays healthy, he'll be a solid starter in another year or two.

Vikings: SURGERIES FOR EVERYONE

The secondary looks unrecognizable without Shields.

"Pfff … we were staring into the abyss before it was cool"

Seems like he's getting fast-tracked to play this Sunday against Carolina's giant receivers.

Me when I saw the still image on the AV Club homepage

I got nothing then. Consult a rabbi.

Just buy the Seven Samurai Criterion Collection Blu-ray.

Haven't been to the MoA theme park since it was Camp Snoopy. All I remember is the rides being terrible and spending unfathomable amounts of money playing the X-Men arcade game … always as Colossus … for reasons …

Terrifyingly realistic Tom Brady mask? You better believe that's a flaggin' …

It's hard to get a good read on MN based on their first game, at least within the past 5 years. AP doesn't play in the preseason and usually (since about 2010) plays like garbage in his first game, even if the box is stacked (which he likes).