Bury me at makeout creek …

Relics From The 1980s That Have Overstayed Their Welcome

Put your pants back on, BP!

Remember: corporations are people … stupid, stupid people.

1) Get a guy who sounds like Paul Harvey

It was either the classmate or you.

… and now you know the rest of the story!

"Miss Nelson … what's a 'Lindsay Lohan?'"

"Realbarf" … a division of Sbarro.

Goodell will say some wishy-washy bullshit about how the NFL "Is going to get this right." I can guarantee that.

In the immortal words of Jay Cutler …

I'm still surprised the Vikings didn't add Hawk to their misfit Packer collection when FA started.

Man … that racist mummy had balls.

Hey Refused! Can you guys write a song called "Chocolate Thunder" … ?

The "100 percent Agave" thing is starting to become standard (though shitty mixto brands like Cuervo still sell their usual stuff … it's cheap and acceptable enough for margaritas).

Basically, look for anything that says "100 percent Agave." If it doesn't say that, then it's a mixto (as low as 51 percent agave and containing sugar-based syrup in most cases) and it sucks.

Those kids will gunk the Millennium Falcon all up! Their hands are probably covered with mud and cookies …

Reminds me of elephants.

There's pleasant surprises every now and then. The good stuff is — per usual — the digital shorts and the last 1-2 sketches. Agreement on the Keaton episode. Weekend Update isn't as horrible as it was earlier, but Jost and Che just don't seem very compatible.

The only reason I want that shitty Undateable show to succeed is for Ron Funches to get famous and eventually host SNL. It would be 90 minutes of breaking and stony laughter, but fuck it … I love that majestic teddy bear of a man.