I agree. I think she's mind-bendingly sexy. But not only does that appear to be a minority opinion, I can't quite pin down what it is about her that I like so much. So, inexplicable.

As someone who has had a long-standing (and somewhat inexplicable) crush on Vanessa Bayer, that Totino's sketch was…mercy.

…Donald?

…Are you having a stroke? Do you smell toast?

…Was it Boat Trip? It…it was Boat Trip, wasn't it?

This is a line of questioning that promises to both thoughtful and insightful

Heavens, it's white insult-ocide! WHAT EVER WILL BECOME OF THE WHITES WITH PRIDE SO WOUNDED.

Horatio Sanz is dead, right?

My god, he stayed until every question was asked? Sweet Jesus, he's like some kind of…Press Secretary for the President of the United States or something. What a magnificent man. Truly, a hero doing the lord's work.

It's a different kind of smug. To borrow a comparison from The Comedy Store in 1983, liberals be smug all like "up with science, down with god, the environment is dying, have you read the latest New Yorker piece on a global event I'm aware of and will tell you about but won't do anything proactive in my own life to…

She's remarkably, cartoonishly bad at public debate. She's got the rhetorical and oratorical skills of a water chestnut. But, she's blandly pretty in an Aryan sort of way, is a thinly disguised racist and loves to write and recite speeches that go out of their way to dogwhistle people who think "white genocide" is a…

I really hope the last third of this is just Crystal screaming about Mickey Mantle

Jesus. That's heartbreaking. I know plenty of writers that abuse Xanax to counteract crippling depression and Adderall to hit deadlines, and more often than not use both in concert. (I can't speak to fentanyl, but it appears to be a dangerously addictive painkiller…painkillers which those very same friends sometimes…

"Aw, fahk, Sheiler? SHEILER? We got moah fahkin' rowbawts, and now theyah fahkin' Knights of the Round orah whatevah, and they gawt that British guy that fahkin' eats people. Also that talkin' cah I made friends with is, like, a fahkin' pud now. Pack up all my wicked smaht guy inventions."

#MABA

NO! Don't give him those! They're lousy with disc rot!

Breakfast Menus That Stop at 11: The White Man's Burden

As I understand it, he fucking hates that

Well, thank god I only listen to music on vinyl — Waitasecond.

Goddamn it. Why I am I the only person on this planet that really enjoyed the Squirrel Nut Zippers?