-I want to tell you a story of a man sent from the heavens who died only to rise again; ET the extraterrestrial. I loved that little guy…

-In highschool I was voted most likely to be a hillbilly, mental patient, or chimpanzee!

-I don't think I have a choice

Thanks to your gloomy, depressing music, my children no longer hope for the future I can not afford to give them.

Awwww, the Denver Broncos…

It's obvious I'm not needed here.

-There was a Venus De Milo gummy stuck to her butt!

I dunno, I'm usually all laughed out after Leno.

I guess heaven is easier to get into than Arizona St…

Kids, you tried your best and you faked miserably. The lesson is never try.