At this point I'd rather have Nancy Cartwright lecture me on the joys of Scientology for 48 hours straight while I'm chained to a radiator than I would endure a new episode of The Simpsons under my own free will.

Avicii sounds more like a seafood appetizer to me. Or maybe a haircare product that is on the more expensive end of what you get at the supermarket.

She did overreact about the Judy doll. Larry tried his best to make things right.

I can understand a backlash to rushing the character into an overstuffed Zach Snyder sequel to a shitty Zach Snyder movie a lot more than I can a backlash to the casting. Bale was perfectly capable but he didn't exactly leave an indelible stamp on the character. It's not Sean Connery as Bond or Harrison Ford as Indy.…

No, William Goldman.

I'm more of a Lawrence Welk guy.

That's fair but it's still a little pot kettle black for Michael Douglas to talk about range. The only time I can recall him playing something other than a slick, rich, in charge of the situation type-a go getter was in Wonder Boys.

Fireworks robbed Jason Pierre of his fingers. This summer they're coming back to pay Paul!

This is why Air America was a resounding failure. Most of the target audience would rather have their daily dose of news and op-ed delivered in a calm, rational NPR type style than from a theatrical, perpetually outraged demagogue.

I'd rather have Chris Pratt as Indiana Jones than as Han Solo but what I'd rather have is no new movies with Indiana Jones or Han Solo in them and what I'd most like is for there to have never been a fourth Indiana Jones movie and for the second one to have been better than it was.

His restaurants are great and he seems like such a nice guy on his PBS show, sort of a hip Ned Flanders, that its hard to believe his brother is some shouty ESPN jerk.

Also, "I moved here from Canada and they think I'm slow, eh."

Damn straight.

That's what Dante was missing! If only he had thought to include Toho's stable of monsters alongside the centaurs and harpies and whatnot.

Mario Maker looks fun and I'm more than happy to play a new Star Fox but…yeah. A surprise or three would have been most welcome.

I'm pretty sure this is just one of those "great job, internet" jokes. Upside down flag, "one nation under surveillance," etc. It's a good but maybe a bit too "on the nose" parody of late period Oliver Stone.

Brave Little Toker? More like Lonely Little Curmudgeon! Zing!

I entirely agree. When I think of Chaucer Paul Bettany's pasty ass cheeks immediately spring to mind.

There's a somewhat well known SNL story about Norm MacDonald punching Ian Maxtone-Graham in the head for extinguishing his cigarette with a water pistol. That's pretty good too.

Hammer of the Gods, Chapter 12: That Time John Paul Jones Whacked his Son's Cricket Coach with a Mudshark.