Jesus Christ!

It sucks, but zoning laws exist to prevent exactly this kind of thing from happening. Better to be a responsible asshole, than a kind idiot, when the consequences can be life or death.

When I was a kid, I used to swipe these big Styrofoam squares from an open construction site near my neighborhood, and use them to go floating down a creek in the middle of my town's park. It was a lot of fun and no one ever died in a fire. Clearly, we kids knew the right way to use stolen materials.

Please. Maher would call the show "Spear-chuck(l)ing with Nihilists," then turn around and ask the audience what he did wrong in a wounded voice. Because he's that big of an ass.

"Ha. People died horribly. In a fire. That's the joke, everyone!"

Eww. I don't like casting aspersions on a marriage, even one as seemingly doomed as this one. They might actually like each other, who knows?

Sorry, all I heard was "softcore."

What? Are you saying you don't include booger sugar with your order of breadsticks, cheese sauce, and failed dreams of starting a rock band?

"Looks like their next delivery will be to…Jail."

WBNS will do anything to protect that footage, including sending a ruthless team of foreign mercenaries with orders to sanction any witnesses with extreme force…! That fool doesn't know what he's done!

I remember some chick got strangled in it, but he used his own hands for the close-up shots.

It's not the same! Colbert made a homophobic statement. Maher made a racist one. Only one of these two things is socially acceptable in a country club.

Shoulda wrote:

Are you saying it doesn't sound delicious?

"Islamaic" sounds like a delicious new item on the dollar menu.

He wasn't whining, you dolt. His use of quotation marks should have been your big clue, you lazy reader.

I'm a Jew brownie. I like to think that in the era of slavery, I actually would have been a house slave. Not because I think I'm better than non-Jewish mulattoes, but because I speak two languages, and I'm very clever. That counts for something, right? I honestly can't say that I'm completely offended by what…

Comedians soon to rush to Maher's side. "Hey, Judgey Public! You don't understand the context."

That's fair.

Because he came back as soon as they cracked the whip, maybe. The way he boomeranged when he realized he was about to get cut off calls his sincerity into question. Remember, according to him, "It was never about the money."