Admires his devotion to duty.*

I'm a part of Papa's club. That means every time I order grease bread with clotted cow milk and animal shavings, I get points I can spend on bottled carbonated fiz spatter liquid, chocolate warm batter poundings, and more grease bread. Plus, there are online deals.

Man, speaking of retro, this article just reminded me I have a tamagotchi! I haven't checked on this thing in ages, I wonder how she's—

Wow, I haven't thought of 'Big Sausage Pizza' in ages. Man, what are the odds that so many attractive young women wouldn't have the funds available to pay their local deliverymen? I'd be embarrassed!

Stop saying we deserve this! The first trick every abuser teaches his victims is to blame themselves. We deserve better! Fuck you, Kid Rock! Your music sucks and is less entertaining than your appearance would otherwise suggest!

Holy shit! They Cronenberg-ed those pizzas, Morty!

Okay, but what is the secret to dating her?

More like, "Where are all the commited actors?" Fucking Dinklage, still wanting to be pretty.

Baby Pewdiepie*

How dare you mock the lower classes, npr pledge drive. Those sunglasses have changed you, man.

I used to go to Wal-mart and play Sonic the Hedgehog on their free video game display, because I was poor.

How does a woman who gave birth to a hipster ever feel clean again? Your body is a temple that produces monsters. Your womb is Tiamat!

I miss McDuffie. When I think of the comics he could have been writing in the current political climate, I get mad at the world. He would have pissed so many people off. :(

So then I looked up his role in Atonement on youtube and was instantly repelled by his fans wishing his character had been raping them.

C'mon fellas! Doft your flannels and ironic fedoras and let's Get 'Em!

Deathwish. His name was Deathwish. http://comicvine.gamespot.c…

Oh, man, thanks! You're absolutely right, his name was Deathwish, he was a character in HARDWARE.

One's Wolverine, the others might be Ripclaw or Prophet, I know one of them is definitely Random. Like Random the guy created by Peter David. I think. And Rape Detective the Detective whose family was raped to death before he himself was also raped to death who then came back from the dead to hunt rapists is…

Like New X-men? The X-men title with all the new X-men? Who were then put on a bus and killed? Because everyone liked the old X-men better? That New X-men?

That's bloodshot. You might remember him from the early 1990's. I can't remember if he was the soldier who was experimented on illegally, the Police detective who had to watch his entire family get raped to death before being raped to death himself, the rogue survivor of an underground government research lab, the…