You really can't blame Gwyneth for all of this. Her upbringing, lifestyle and friends cause symptions similar to a combination of autism, radiation poisoning, jaundice and really bad constipation.

Let's not pull Big Red gum into her mess.

Same thing here. Whenever I leave Chicago those bastards is Gary pull me over, pistol whip me and steal my car and wallet. I try to cooperate but they always seem so pissed off. I guess it's a stressful job being a border agent.

I did. AV Club edited it because they were offended.
(nods approvingly at Obama collector plate)

I had the same feelings about the old Atari 2600. Then I got one and you know what? It's pretty crappy. Nostalgia ended about 10 minutes into playing Adventure when I was a square moving a dumbass bridge around to get to the whatever colored castle.
Night Driver was a lot more trippy than I rememberd though. So,…

Parting Gifts
I hope they got the Obama collector plates I sent. Sometimes, while working at my desk, I like to look over at my plate and nod approvingly. I get very little work done actually.

Look, do you want him to look good or take gold medals away from them damn commies?

Then stop being one letter away from Hitler, racist!

Hinler is just one letter off from Hitler so it's still fairly racist. Once you get two letters away like Hinder the racism mostly subsides… mostly.

He's the best part of Shutterbugs. I'm going to throw in the DVD tonight to watch him go off on Bill and Amir.

Oh my God, Nilbog spelled backwards is Goblin!

Coven is completed but sadly Northwestern is still unfinished.

Turns out they were all lizards and wanted our water.

Lane beats Stalin (30 years old high school dude, not the Russian leader) on one ski and picks the French girl over his stuck-up ex.

Training Day?

SPOILER - The plants did it.

I saw Vantage Point and it was hilarious after the fifth or sixth re-start back to the beginning the audience would all groan in unison. It brought us together kind of like hostages and I think I'm a better man for it. Or I could be worse but certainly I'm not exactly the same.

Newspapers
Tell us what newspapers and magazines you read to stay on top of the issues.

Learn to accept it
There will always be crust. You can't avoid it. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CRUST! You want to try to pinch the non-crusted bread together to avoid it? You can't. It's a fool's errand. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CRUST!

Words to live by
Less and less sucky by the day.