Too late; those vague, generalized "statistics" already frightened me into going out and buying an assault weapon so that I can "protect" my "family", as is my God-given right.

I got a Computer Science degree from a liberal arts college, so what does that make me?

I get the same feeling, but dude, resist the urge. Trust me.

I don't think anyone anywhere knows her as simply "Lindsay".

Dude got some mad penile skillz.

Oh, you know those gays. Always thinking songs are about them, when they are obviously NOT.

Come on, Leno sucks but he's no dog-fucker. Incestuous creep, maybe.

Sandra Lee made an entire cake out of store-bought cupcakes, plastic Burger King toys, and some other nasty shit. So obviously, cupcakes are legitimate.

Already been done.

Mmm, pour some of that hot cream on my chocolate.

For some reason, I did a spit-take at "manhole cover".

"We love the girls, we love the guys, we love the gays. We'll sell to anyone."

Yes, this movie also had a kickass soundtrack.

I hate Ben Stiller too, I hate seeing Owen Wilson in conjunction with Ben Stiller, and I've been bored with Will Ferrell for a while now, but I really liked this movie.

One can never have too many cats.

Wow, the Big E just totally missed the point.

Incidentally, this is the appropriate place to express those feelings.

Magical Granola Bars is People
I would just like to point out how disgusting that picture is. It makes me feel gassy and bloated just looking at it. Plus, you can see the nasty undigested food at the top is about to end up back on that lady's plate.

That could be a movie in itself. Drunk mailman mistakenly delivers a child's letter to God to a 24-hour adult store. What happened to that bulk shipment of giant black dildos then? Hilariousness ensues.

My grandma has a picture of a blond Jesus with huge blue doe eyes in her bedroom - it's creepy as FUCK.