Well, you'd just better hope there never comes a day when humanity is attacked by aliens and my Battletoads skills are the only thing staving off global annihilation. I'll still save you, but I'll be insufferably smug about it afterwards. And probably steal your hot girlfriend.

If film has taught me anything, nothing's cooler than cigarettes.

We need less Bronte sisters and more brontosauruses.

Personally, I don't need to be a global citizen, because I'm blessed by nationality.

Ringo is twice the Starr McCartney ever was.

Crosby went on to remind Kanye, "Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you."

<zoidberg> I don't hear any gasping. </zoidberg>

There was a bit in F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Ice Palace" that posits the long winters are slowly giving them all the brooding rigidity of Ibsen characters.

It's painful because they're almost constantly sunburned.

How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He stands on a ladder and holds the bulb still, while the world revolves around him.

There's not many people know this, but "Signora Pew" is the little-seen female Italian counterpart to Pepe Le Pew, equally amorous but with a love that is doomed by their lack of a common language.

(Blacksmith begins forming different pork scraps together to make salami for an Italian hoagie.)

Mike Smith the fired coach of the NFL's Atlanta Falcons, or Mike Smith the man from Mars who serves as a thinly veiled Christ allegory in Robert Heinlein's seminal science fiction classic Stranger in a Strange Land?

There's not many people know this, but he not only wears their wigs, he's also one of the children turned orange by their factory run off.

There's not many people know this, but I'm not really Michael Caine- I'm actually Peter Sellers doing his Michael Caine impression.

There's not many people know this, but Huey left behind a promising future as an engineer to tour with Clover- he was in his junior year at Cornell, after getting a perfect 800 on the math section of his SAT's. I don't know why I remember this, but forgot my daughter's birthday.

There's not many people know this, but "Poppy-cock" comes from the Dutch "Pap pap kak," meaning "Soft dung." You all probably know how I feel about the Dutch, and I'm saddened to find out Mr. T.I. has been taken in by their tulip-growing hash-smoking ways. Or has he just been spending too much time with that Dutch…

There's not many people know this, but you can find it on YouTube already:
http://www.youtube.com/watc…

There's not many people know this, but I've never actually been to see a movie in the theaters, so I don't know what any of you are on about. I just shoot 'em, forget about 'em, then a few months later I get to stand next some really cute young bird and hand out gold statues of some naked bloke.

There's not many people know this, thoufraw, but I only ever recorded the white pages. And Hop on Pop.