Then how will I know which hemorrhoid cream to use.

It's that look when you reached the pinnacle of your profession, you have a supermodel wife and healthy children, but the void at the center of your being is bigger than ever.

don't forget Murder Office

I'm from the midwest. We don't need frosted tips to drive our tractors.

Except the person who frosts his tips every week for $250.

I liked this show Drama High the first time, when it was called Hannibal.

Unfortunately Hugh Jackman forgot to ask for any money.

Enrico Pallazo

Can't we have one film festival that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse

You can't wait six months?

He's not America's fault, that's victim-blaming.

Someone get a hold of James Corden's mother.

He will be digitally rendered into his 15th role after his death.

Cell phones are the popular thing to shame people for owning nowadays. When I was in college I remember a woman writing a letter to the editor saying kids wouldn't have so much student debt if they stopped buying CDs.

feature, not bug

Handful of tea.

Maybe he can have some of his favorite QVC hosts on.

Get off my taxiway!

But son, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds!

sick burn Nordstrom