Deseret is the program we want and deserve but will never get.

You and that Fuller guy are hired when I run a network.

If AV Club invented a bunch of fake screen caps and show concepts for summary here, it would look almost exactly like this, except the shows might be more interesting. Please, AV Club, completely invent the CBS lineup and see if we even notice.
Even the show title lettering looks super-cheesy to me.
Backstrom, really?…

Even Paul Shaffer would have told Morrissey to get the fuck over himself.

Mutant League football set on the highest level "bone crushing" hits or whatever it is. The game ends when the computer players have all been tackled hard/destroyed and there aren't any more backups to field a team. 1:34 in the first quarter is my record.
I realize this is not what they mean by speedruns but it's all…

thanks Obama

You've pretty much got the gist of it - a reviewer was a little over the top in his effusive praise, and we beat it to death. All you need to know is that you will hear the most beautiful sound in the world and it is the Laurel Canyon sound, apparently.
Here is the source of the joke, I think - http://www.avclub.com/ar…

you make an uneasy joke about parsecs and you never see it again.

(briefly considers starting a new life as a Bob's Burgers franchise owner)

First thing I thought of after I decided I didn't want the cow from Restaurant At the End of the Universe talking to me pre-meal.

The One With White People Problems?

Do they have a sign that states "Do NOT do the egg speech from that movie." ?

He's got the power!

is it gay if i got a boner while reading that?

This sucks.
Thanks Obama!

I will tune in for the first time in a long time to see jokes get made about leaving Paul behind. 19 minutes ago

Yes, have had the same thought process:
Hack Hollywood Director sharing the last name of two brilliant Directors + Milla Jovovich = Where do I sign up for that life?

they have to pay Ferguson 8 million if he DOESN'T get the Letterman gig.

(pictures Louie's David Lynch yelling "SHOW! DO THE SHOW!" at Sister Mary Francis)

The show stew cookbook will be out for Christmas