Like all members of America's cultural elite, they worshiped Pan, the goat god.

Maybe there is a God!

Just say you come from a state that is Oz-adjacent.

He already had a small role in Muppet Wizard of Oz.

Because he's the god damn Phantom of the Muppet Show. He can snap you like a twig!

Wait until they complete construction (state-funded, natch) of a replica of Noah's Arc. That should burn nicely.

Doesn't the horse kill the baby?

It's never too early to teach kids racism.

They had some nifty comic adaptations of literary classics from time to time. Drawn by Ernie Colon himself.

A sarlac pit of depression?

If they should bar wars,
let them be grand.

She was probably too distracted by Angelina to really notice who the black guy on the bed was.

Yes, yes you are.

There's probably an interesting story in here somewhere about a young girl focused solely on academic achievement suddenly becoming a sex symbol completely against her will, almost as if her body had betrayed her. I'm not really sure if it makes for hilarious TV rather than a sad critique of how women are still judged…

I once saw Tom Bosley kill a hobo and then stuff his corpse in a Glad trash bag. I was appalled, but I had to respect him for using the product he endorsed in real life.

I smell sequel!

There's an inherent contradiction there, but I'll see if you can find it.

I mean this in a totally non-sarcastic way: Thank you for your service.

RIP Tony Randall, actor, father, Gremlin

He does. In fact, He has a whole book about it. Well, the back half, anyway.