… but if I were to develop a time machine, return to 1994 and dispassionately kill those Space Cowboys, I'd be the bad guy.

… and the kids just love it.

I've got a hypo full of… faeces?

… but if you're referencing A Lick of the Old Cassette Box, and I've suddenly no doubt you are, I'll shut the hell up.

Is that New Noise Designed by a Sadist your referencing? If so, that's not a holdover from the 90s but an entirely new album made by a reformed PWEI featuring just one member of the classic line-up (vocalist Graham Crabb) and approximately zero percent of what made them decent the first time around.

Paul Anderson!

"I blew up the Death Star, defeated the Emperor and saved
the universe. But do they call me Death Star-killer? Emperor-defeater? Universe-saver? No, they don't. But you bulls-eye one womp rat…"

Dis is wot it soundz like wen duvs cri - fellow sub

It did.

You're the precocious trustafarian nephew of TVDW: you're 19.

"… sprayed by an airborne beer up front at a show
[on] New Year’s Eve…" - has a social life
"… the end of a relationship…" - no kids
"…and a general feeling of detachment…" - Gen X
hangover
"… sang along with my friends…" - has friends
"… opening my note-taking app…" - is tech savvy
" I would often skip eating in order to…

By record label (and then by catalogue number).

Go away, number-crunchin'.

Really? Yay!

I went to a lesbian formal once.

Welll… it could always just be two things.

Yup.

Well, it is a "coming attraction".

Two things may be be.

INCEST, NAY AND NAY.