Caret, if I told you I wasn't that good at my job would that lead you to believe that I might actually be funny?

I'm an aspiring stand-up. I've got some quality material on oral sex, church, adulthood and tailors. I don't have anything to link to right now. I've just done a couple open mics.

I got a girlfriend. Will work on the black kid. There are some schools in my neighborhood that are ripe for a 'nappin.

C'mon, she made that guy cum fire in the Watchmen! That counts for something.

Me?
I'm a 29-year-old white male aspiring writer with a bad beard living in NYC too! Do I like get a ticket to the premier in the mail or something?

Blasphemous thread here.
So who should play him?

Yeah, I mean, what's the point?

I refuse to believe this isn't a quality meme.

Lieb, everybody fucking did. Even people at the places that aren't in the places in the middle of fucking nowhere still get shitfaced on the weekends. It's college that's what you do.

Tom Tutone has another single and it's about a a zip code.

Did you pour beers all over their blouses?

Ragingbear, that's fucking fascinating. Tell me another story.

Tom Arnold has another tick and it's in left leg.

Tom Delay has another cellmate and he's a raper.

If I read this correctly
This is a ripoff/cover of a remix? Could this cause a tear in the space-time continuum?

Tom Green has another testicle and it's botox.

Tom Sizemore has another felony charge…
and it's for public sodomy.

Great gift
My brother got me this for Christmas last year. I was floored.

Yeah seriously, what the fuck is that about? Who did he blow to get on this list? I'll fully admit I've never listened to his music, so it could be the new lead singer for String Cheese Incident for all I know, but I somehow doubt that.

Olly woggy polly woggy…
ump bump fizz!