Miller, you don't want to go down that road.

Aw shit, I meant "Sliced Bread", of course! Not "Slice Bread"! I just get so damn tongue-tied talking about it, I feel like a schoolboy!

Slice Bread
The first time I encountered sliced bread I was all, ahh hell naw, son! It just didn't take. But all that changed quickly enough. I now basically live for sliced bread. It's the greatest thing since, well, it's pretty much the greatest thing ever.

Don't you hate it when you submit a comment and then watch in horror as it gets bumped to the second page? That's like the kiss of death; nobody ever goes to the second page.

Of course I'm an old, obsolete toaster. It's retro. I'm a hipster toaster, that's why I hang out at the A.V. Club.

And I thought I had a sweet job
Steve Heisler, you officially have the world's greatest job.

So what are you saying, that we all look alike?

I would argue that Hotshots is Charlie Sheen's finest work.

The Gaslight Anthem
Are they getting big now? Is that what the kids are jammin' to these days? I picked up their new album because I heard it was really good, but I was pretty underwhelmed. Mediocre stuff. Of course, that's just one toaster's opinion.

… it was a bit too long for this toaster to read. But I'm sure it was wonderful.

I'd still do her.

Variety is for bun warmers.

This has Harrison Ford as a cop, so are we looking at a Crash + Hollywood Homicide equation?

Dear Eugene,
I hope you have a separate source of income.

Don't forget Madballs!

I like him better as someone who brings erudition to sportscasting, rather than someone who brings a sportscasters' sensibility to political editorializing.

Are you kidding?! this may be the single greatest lineup since … ahem. well I don't wanna get off on a rant here but this is probably the best outdoor festival musical lineup EVER. Seriously, even I get that, and I'm just a fucking toaster.

Hey man, I know all about Django. Don't you presume to school me! I was listening to Andres Segovia when you were just a gleam in your mother's bloodshot, drugged out eyes. This is one toaster that's been around the block, believe you me.

Man, it never fails to make me laugh how people are all like "John Mayer sucks but he's an amazing guitarist." No. he's. motherfucking. not.

Aw, sure I get it, I was just fucking around. C'mon, lighten up, Of Montreal fan and Simpsons character. Lighten up and live, dammit!!