I'm sorry, Speed, but I must remain an enigma in order to continue my successful career as a undercover agent / spy / ninja / race car driver. Give my love to Pops, Moms, Spritle, and Chim Chim. Also, don't you think its time you slept with Trixie? People are beginning to wonder about you.

Sounds Like A Fun Way To Round Out The Summer
And a nice counterpoint to the brooding intensity of The Dark Knight (aka The Best Superhero Movie EVAR).

I Still Like These Albums
Probably mostly out of a sense of nostalgia, but I think all three still hold up really well.

But In Real Life, The MPDG Is The Root Cause Of All Your Problems
I've been chasing the pixie my whole life! And what seems to be the promise of a truly free and supercute object of affection more often than not turns into a moody, schizophrenic, psychotic, sadistic tormentor. Wheres THAT movie? Oh I know, I lived…

Oh, the media monkeys and the junket junkies will invite you to the plastic pantomime. Throw their invites away.

I Really Love NIN 2.0
It may not be as "cutting edge" (whatever the fuck that means) as his earlier stuff is or was or seemed, but I really love where Reznor seems to be at now. He's off the drugs and tantrums and seems passionately devoted to making music, doing internets experiments, and connecting with fans, not…

Could I Get The Kevin Shields Parts w/out the "Poetry"?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Smith's work as a vocalist and song writer ("Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine" is one of my favorite rock lyrics ever), but her beat inspired spoken word (or, let's face it, any spoken word) is really, really bad. I…

Actually, that wasn't a typo, I mean "inanity" as in "the quality of being inane."

Is "Volcano" A Reference To The Graveyard of The Thetans?
According to Beck's religion — Scientology — Xenu, the Galactic Overlord, in a fit of being-badness, threw his surplus population of Thetans into a volcano, and then blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Because of this, the ghosts of the Thetans inhabit our minds…

Clearly MIDNIGHT VULTURES is his best, and most underrated. I don't think people got it, really, but its much better than Odelay and his previous efforts.

Beck: "Scientology? Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!" The Album
I'm boycotting Beck until he comes clean on the whole Scientology thing. Like, either in a series of mock serious interviews, or really real serious interviews in which he breaks down sobbing and confesses that they'll kill his family if he discusses Lord…

When Will You Add It To The "New Cult Canon"?
Can we just skip to the part where SPEED RACER is added to the Onion's "New Cult Canon"? Because clearly, SPEED RACER is a secret success, a cult movie on a blockbuster budget, and a movie destined to have a second life as a cult movie. I totally loved it. It was a…

Critics Are Being WAY Too Easy On This
Lets face it, it was pretty awful. On the other hand, critics slammed SPEED RACER which turned out to be pretty f*cking awesome. Its my fave movie of the summer thus far. I mean, yeah, SPEED RACER has flaws, but overall it should have gotten a B, and Indy 4 should have gotten…