Only the fat kid actually came. I'm serious.

The last Dark Tower book is a goddamned abortion the whole way through. King gives the finger to fans waiting for literally decades for the Insomnia connection, the Talisman/Black House connection, and so many others, with the "mind trap" horseshit where the supposed connections were really just red herrings to throw…

New band name sorted.

EXACTLY. It's structure is essential to its very being.

Two bloated 2.5 hour films might be able to do it.

HBO could do it justice with a twelve-part miniseries. I mean just put fucking everything in there (except for, you know). Build a sweet book-accurate Derry set with the Standpipe and all of that. Film the outdoor scenes on "location" in Maine. Why hasn't anyone just thrown titloads of money and effort at a King…

Ain't no damn titties in a PG-13 comedy in 2016.

As much as Iove CRITTERS I think it might be in the running. Those puppets (at least in the first two) are legit nightmare fuel.

I thought the kids were very good and well-cast.

That's in poor taste, man

God's pissed about gay marriage

It's still badass.

What in hell is a Carmike?

That guy Lobsters was pretty bad.

Get some of his albums, mate. Everything people say about him is true.

Musicology, 3121, and Art Official Age can all stand up to his peak 80s stuff in my opinion.

Go listen to his shit now. It's all true. The sexiness, the unlimited funk, the raw talent. It's all true. All of it.

Unwatchable? Honey, I will slap the waves out your hair!

It always annoyed me so much the way Amelie pronounced "podcast" — "POOD-CAHST."

And a wife-beater