What if it's a money bomb?

Oh, whew, for a minute I thought you meant the pumpkin candy corn variants, which are amazing. Yeah, chocolate is horrible, comparatively.

I don't trust those skittle screeners not to take all the purples (the best flavor!)

Peep duels would be a lot more exciting if you put two loaded handguns in the microwave with them…

All holiday novelty candies should be sold year 'round.

Look at the Dik over here.

Well, yeah, with the Cubs and all…

Come back, Zincoln Lawyer! Come back!

The extra n is for never-gonna-happenn.

It doesn't matter what Billy Batson is like … his entire body gets replaced as soon as he says his magic word! It'd be insane if he *didn't* treat his body hedonistically!

You should be happy when they film it and post a 7 second highlight to Vine. Your lawn will blow up on the Internet!

Yes, but you certainly won't be going back for seconds!

People who don't sort by oldest deserve to be saddled with Johnny Storm.

I'll go with clever, at least in the first book. But by the end of the third, I had definitely lost some patience…

I love having read Trollope, and even enjoy individual bits, but somehow it always turns into a bit of a slog for me. But still! The Warden is definitely worth a read.

Sadly, Congress hasn't passed a country of origin law to orgasms yet, so in this time of offshoring…

With a talking skeleton assistant?

I don't mind the games parts on Fallon … it's fun enough seeing Shaquille O'Neal play Twister, or Catchphrase with Kirsten Dunst. But the interview part is aggravatingly horrible.

Glory be to the Bomb, and to the Holy Fallout. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. World without end. Amen.

Enough for 500 days of summer?