"We think of crackers as a family food. Happy families. We don't know if single people eat crackers, and frankly we don't want to know." 
"So that's it, after 13 years? So long and good luck?"
"I don't recall saying 'good luck.'"

"This is the casino? I'd better talk to my manager." 
"Your manager says to shut up!" 
"VERA said that? Huh."

"This is the casino? I'd better talk to my manager." 
"Your manager says to shut up!" 
"VERA said that? Huh."

oh god, just reading that made me crack up at my desk.

oh god, just reading that made me crack up at my desk.

I think this is gonna be next up. Apart from the meat and broth, I already have all the ingredients on hand. I'll update as possible.

I think this is gonna be next up. Apart from the meat and broth, I already have all the ingredients on hand. I'll update as possible.

I'm not a vegetarian but my girlfriend is and we like to cook, so this is good to know. Thanks.

I'm not a vegetarian but my girlfriend is and we like to cook, so this is good to know. Thanks.

I just got a big Crock Pot for my birthday - ANY SUGGESTIONS? So far I've make a couple vegetable soups by more or less just throwing a bunch of stuff in, turning on low, and hoping for the best, and also some pulled pork from the back of a pulled pork flavor packet. All three turned out really well, but I'm still…

I just got a big Crock Pot for my birthday - ANY SUGGESTIONS? So far I've make a couple vegetable soups by more or less just throwing a bunch of stuff in, turning on low, and hoping for the best, and also some pulled pork from the back of a pulled pork flavor packet. All three turned out really well, but I'm still…

"Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down, you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals and rule you like a king!"

"Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down, you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals and rule you like a king!"

I decided a while ago that once 2020 rolls around I'm going to start referring to the present as "the future." As in, "What do you mean I can't use my debit card? It's the fucking future!"

I decided a while ago that once 2020 rolls around I'm going to start referring to the present as "the future." As in, "What do you mean I can't use my debit card? It's the fucking future!"

Kingdom Come and Earth X are two epics that I'd love to see.

Kingdom Come and Earth X are two epics that I'd love to see.

Read Dashiell Hammett.

Read Dashiell Hammett.

*Buster knocks on window*
GOB, terrified: "MONSTER!"
Buster: "Hey, brothers."
Michael: "Buster!"
GOB, friendly: "Monster!"