Well played, sir.

Honolulu's getting Pauly Shore next month, so there's that.

your mom.

Jimy Smits
I still say that whenever I see his name or face.

Exactly.

Hey, hey, hey, we're the Mafia (Hey! Hey!)
We're all a bunch of stylish I-tie rogues
You may think that this is ghoulish
but if the five families try to screw us
Then we'll soon be planting daisies on their toes!

What were we talking about again?

In defense of Eric Idle
When he came to my town for the Greedy Bastard Tour, I wrote to the publicist explaining that while I was a huge fan, everything I owned that was Python related—from albums, to books to VHS and DVD's—all were purchased at used stores and I wasn't about to start paying full price now.

Meaning of Life
I have, on three occasions, had girls tell me that they never saw this movie in its entirety because they and the person with whom they were watching it with decided to have sex instead. I've never figured out if that meant Monty Python was like porn, getting their naughty bits all a'tingling, or if…

Congratulations.

Fail.

April Fool's! Bellona knew who Lux was all this time!

"What does a guy have to do to get a drink around here, dress up like a bear?"

All true, and she believed it to the end. She probably still tells people about it, despite that I gave her my actual name (I said my given name was registered by some actor in the 50s, explaining what happened to Michael Keaton). But the biggest reason that I'm amazed she bought it is because I'm not fucking British.

Discrediting Julia Roberts
I was on a catamaran cruise in Kauai, and some silly drunk Texan woman asked if I was an actor. Being drunk and silly myself, I decided to say yes. She screeched and told me how I was the best thing about Notting Hill, which I had never seen. A little later, she asked how Julia Roberts was…

What if Steve Martin went to the Burger Bar?
Hilarity ensues, right?

I like my sex like I like my chocolate:

Shit. Etta JAMES. Damn you, Maker's Mark!

Not that anybody is paying attention, but…
Dead Kennedys - I am the Owl.

The Attack of the the Eye Creatures.