The Amazing Spider-Man: Turn Off the Villains! Please!!!

DOWNVOTE RELIGIOUS VIOLENCE!

Sodastream? I'd rather refresh my sweet-beverage craving with a non-carbonated NetanYOO-HOO!

Needs more BWAAAAAAAAMMMMPPPPPP

"Can't sign me up fast enough!!!" -Matthew Fox, bolting out of the car he's been sleeping in

Life Is Flammable

Bieber: Long Walk to Freedom

Actually, I believe the sole reason for the increase in violent shootings is Ben & Jerry's and their ilk releasing so many delicious flavors of ice cream. It's a well known fact that homicide numbers rise with ice cream sales, so it's safe to say that the increased access to so many delectable varieties of the frozen…

Apt. 24 instead of 23? They sure are movin' on up!

At least he got some of his cred back with his highly publicized feud with the Coors Light can over which of them is colder.

"Whose dick is in this picture? You guessed it…Frank Stallone!"

Peyton Manning's career: C+

Oh yeah, Armond? Well the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!!!

He was Taylor Kitsch before Taylor Kitsch was.

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a ten foot pole, is a good guy with an eleven foot pole.

No Spoiler Space?

Or, to make this understandable to any Duck Dynasty fans reading this:

He's the roving, homeless meth head.

This guy is a poor man's Clark Duke.

"Chinese Food"- Alison Gold