Internet winner.

Loved the first+second paragraphs. "…(E)ach faux-retro strum on the soundtrack starts to feel like a burden" is hilariously apt.
3rd paragraph, I'm back in my usual "WTH is Hassenger talking about?" mode. Structural integrity? This is a Star Trek - Voyager episode review?
Final paragraph is somewhere in between.

"Essentially, the comedy-of-remarriage portion of Mortdecai is premised on an argument over an affectation."
Translation: Fruit bats will get you when you're sleeping. At least, that's what it means to me (sucks thumb, cuddles Mr. Cuddles.)

you mean 1138.

I had a maddening epistemic void. I couldn't sit down for days.

I'm gonna mash up "Come with me" with "Kashmir." It'll be a puckish satire of contemporary mores.

wow, 2 'graphs in and I already haven't the foggiest what this review's about.

I haven't read King Rat but it strikes me Mieville is responding to other authors quite a bit recently.
Un Lun Dun is clearly the anti-Rowling book.
Kraken reminded a lot of a London Gods (the only Gaiman I've read)
Embassytown is a considered rebuttal to The Culture (perhaps because I've read too much Culture) including…