Anne Heche schlurs her words as though sche hasch a mouth full of schit.

How would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being American Dad! and 10 being not having to watch Amrican Dad!

Anthony made that famous Tweet about Dick Clark immediately after news broke that he had died, and as tasteless and offensive as it was I still chuckled. That's part of his humor, how arbitrary is the span of time which must pass before it's socially OK to joke about disasters and tragedies and fiascos.

Yes, but as far as shows whose finest attribute is their ability to allow me to sleep through them without me feeling as though I've missed something worthwhile, Chelsea Lately is one of the best. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck…

Yeah, way down in your scrotum.

Paging Miss O'Jenny.

Oh yes. They're this millennium's Smothers Brothers… Too soon?

Ha! As if you didn't know.

Amazonian Lesbian Forest Rangers. And their supportive partners.

If I wanna see an abusive, prissy, temperamental narcissist denigrate everyone I'll just watch Chelsea Handler. Naw, I keed, I keed. I like Tony Chiseled Dick.

Well, since you frame your demand so persuasively I will uni-laterally stand down. Can you handle that? People, this is no time to back peddle… I'm done.

Quitter.

Jealous!

Because cerebral hemispheres? Oh yes, of course. Because cerebral hemispheres.

If those little Gothic rag dolls had a sex tape of the two of them together "stolen and released" like some other mega non talents they'd be bigger than Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Miley Cyrus all synthesized into one awesome, formidable, horrendous succubus, which is a delirious hallucination I once had after…

Other lesson learned from Microsoft -

Yes, those Snorg Tees ads are simply the breast.

The real villain is the extraordinary amount of money involved in pro sports. The astronomical riches to be had have irreparably corrupted and warped all major sports. Just like banking. And politics. Noncompetitive napping is where the real action is.

But the Abyss was marvelous! Nyuck nyuck nyuck…

Ha! You might be right.