Hey, look. Indiana Jones and the Apartment of Perpetual Virginity!

Britta: I'm on sabbatical.
Troy: You're Jewish?

Britta: Why don't you sell him a pill that'll make him give up on his dreams?
Annie: Relaxarex doesn't make you give up on your dreams! That's a side effect!

If I stay there can be no party. I must be
out there in the night, staying vigilant. Where ever a party needs to be
saved, I'm there. Where ever there are masks or if there's tom foolery
in joy, I'm there. But sometimes I'm not because I'm out there in the
night staying vigilant, watching, lurking, running, jumping,…

Guys like you should be more scared, you trust-funded, body-spray, Eli Roth DVD-owner.
=Jeff

Shut up, Leonard. Nice earring—you look like the road manager of the California Raisins.
-Jeff

There's a two day course called "Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad?" I'm signing up—I've always wanted to know.
-Abed

(written in a letter) I hope you enjoyed my work again. You can't stop me because what are you going to do, not have butts?
-Ass Crack Bandit

Oh, bloody hell, my shoe is untied by British standards.
-Professor Duncan

Annie: Creepy.
Dean Pelton: I don't know—add some doilies and a foot bath and this is my mom's house.

This is the biggest PR crisis to hit Greendale since we held that rally protesting the wrong Korea.
-Dean Pelton

Troy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! MY WHOLE BRAIN IS CRYING!

"Cigarettes!"
—Abed

We know that he hates money. Or loves it. Or doesn't care about money and hates butts. Or loves them.
-Britta

Don't tell me what I can't do! What are you, Cosmo's July quiz?
-Dean Pelton

Sometimes I think I lost something important to me but it turns out I already ate it.—Troy

Abed: If you were a post-apocalyptic survivor—
Professor Hickey: I would raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and only travel at night. But please—I have some work to do here.

We're human beings, not the editors of Teen Vogue!
-Britta

The real reason men fight is to release their pent-up gayness.
-Britta

I need help reacting to something.
-Abed