Never go in against a Sicilian
when death is on the line!

Boo!

I don't like cocaine, I just like the way it smells, hot-cha-cha!

I'm also not sure why they covered Iggy Pop's nipples on that cover photo, AMIRITE?

That's exactly why I'm upset. Yesterday I had to practice asking for a replacement bank card in my bathroom mirror for three hours beforehand, just in case the teller was a lady.

oh teh noes
Now when I want to know what frat boys think about the new Wolf Parade, I'll actually have to walk over to the student union building and ask them.

I try.

I posted this comment on Youtube
"It's like Jay Leno, Larry the Cable Guy and a borscht belt ventriloquist formed a think tank for the express purpose of creating the least funny act ever. If you laughed at this, you are a braying, seal-clapping hillbilly, and I hope that you and your entire family die of cancer."

I've been worried about the 2Pacalypse ever since the new Willennium.

I don't care if someone 'appreciates the craft', I just want them to shut their retarded fucking mouths about it when they're in a theater.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
A few friends and I went to see CTHD in the only theatre in town in Strathmore, Alberta. Seated directly behind us were five or six of the most obnoxious teenage girls imaginable - think Parker Posey in "Waiting For Guffman". They had apparently never before seen a film which required…

"THIS THING IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TYPE VERY MUCH"

The only Twitter I actually read
twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF

more bang for yr buck
It comes with a tiny stomach pump and 10 mL of fake cum, so your special little angel can practice for when she becomes a real paramedic. If that's not (f)empowering, I dunno what is.

Shih Tzu,

yeah subjects are good
As a sort of corollary to the Poochie Rule, nearly every woman onscreen soaks her panties whenever Seagal says or does anything. That's how you know he directed it himself.

To be fair, I had no idea that Johnny Hart's B.C. was such a proselytizing laugh-vacuum when I was a kid, either. I suppose the throughline here is that I was a stupid kid.

Hands up…
…if you read BC as a kid and thought it was hilarious even though the majority of the references flew right over your head.

it's knuckle puck time
You guys forgot D2: The Mighty Ducks. Your punishment is to yell 'GOLDBERG!' every time you smell a fart for the next ten years.

daddy wants to fuck
Remember a while back, when Dennis Hopper went on some talk show and told a story about Rip Torn pulling a knife on him, and then Torn sued because it was actually the other way around?