I can't wait for the world to see A MOST WANTED MAN! I guess you could say I really "want it, man!" LOL! Seriously though, everybody involved with this project is so wonderful. Anton is the nicest Dutchman I've ever met, and John is like the British grandpa I never had! Seriously, we're only in the opening stages of…

I'm working with Judd's and my mutual friend Catherine Keener in A LATE QUARTET!
She's such a wonderful actress and so great to work with! Isn't it weird that even though she was in Judd's movie 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN and my movie CAPOTE that Judd and I have never met? Not even at a party! And I thought my laptop's WiFi…

I'd love for my son to remake CAPOTE… right now!
Can you imagine that? Li'l Capote and Li'l Harper Lee, solving crimes and then writing about them! Ha ha! Plus, my son hardly has to change his voice! He wouldn't have to put in the effort of sounding like a 7-year-old boy because he IS a 7-year-old boy! LOL! Maybe he…

Why won't Wes Anderson return my calls? Didn't he see MAGNOLIA?
I have a proven track record with directors named Anderson! Ha ha! Seriously, though, don't I seem like a perfect addition to the Wes Anderson ensemble? I can be quirky! I can grow facial hair! I grew a moustache for BOOGIE NIGHTS but they made me shave…

Are you calling me a gimmick? Me, the acclaimed thespian who starred in such films as Magnolia, Cold Mountain and The Savages? You think this is some sort of JOKE?!!? Boy, that kind of total disregard for all my hard work really makes me ANGRY… and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry…

You forgot the release of my great new film JACK GOES BOATING!
It's the theatrical adaptation of the play I starred in on Broadway — yes, THAT Broadway! My co-star is the lovely Amy Ryan. I don't kiss and tell, but we kissed, and I tell ya, it was HOT! LOL!

You should've seen the swag we sent out for my critically-acclaimed film DOUBT
We packaged the screener with a priest's collar and a Magic 8 ball whose answers were all related to alleged pedophilia! "ASK AGAIN LATER… YOU KIDFUCKER!" Hee hee! Was the crassness of the swag why we came away from the Oscars empty-handed?…

This reminds me of my great new film PIRATE RADIO!
It's about standing up to the man by doing radio on a boat! I wonder if anybody downloaded this song on a boat? Maybe I should make a movie called PIRATE DOWNLOADING SONGS LEGALLY! My beard itches. Ha-ha! Anywho…