Well, round these parts, we call Hellman's "mayonnaise", Miracle Whip "mayonnaise", and consider anyone who tries to tell us there's a difference a snob.

The True Name of C. Montgomery Burns.

All the fun of snow, plus sugar.

Ray, after watching Pam King Kong off with AJ: "Well, you don't see that every day."
Cyril, from the floor, felled by Pam: "I didn't even see it today."

I read "Dixieland jazz" as "Disneyland jazz".

Typo

"With a shanghaied Kermit interred in the Siberian gulag that previously held Constantine…"

Miniraisons d'être?

Epitaph != epigraph != epithet.