Thanks for the tip! Now I can take food off of Kelly's table!

What will his sexy b&w cartoon alter-ego think?

If you made the kind of money Vago makes from selling Drugs to pre-schoolers, you'd be happy all the time too.

Exactly how far will obituary writers have to bend over backwards in order to say nice tings about Mozza?

If it lands on her stomach, the sheer force of the impact will shatter her waify frame into a thusand pieces.

Onion articles are way more satisfying when you can still see the text at the top of the screen where the giant paywall info box doesn't reach.

England hates you too Odenjerk and Dross.

My favourite was Stupid Fucking Dog.

The villains should be called Jerkwad, Fuckface and Massive Cunt.

SUPERSHART

The nadir of rockism is The Edge going "What did we doy to deserve dis" when he heard PSB's cover.

In other news there will be a Chris Benoit movie.

You Idiots! You Bunheaded … idiots!

There'll be all manner of death squads that do it quick and compassionate-like because Jesus.

Boob-aggregate sites starved for content

But they're half of Lapdance. They can't be all bad

Where I come from, one day vacations consist of a shopping trip to a giant "shopping mall" in Calais to buy gross wine in bulk.

That one OSI scientist who sounds like Junior Attleburg.

Has Sean done a Newswire today. Where is Sean O'Neal.

Brian Austin Green married Megan Fox because he thought she was actually the living personification of the FOX network. She still hasn't put him on the air yet :(.