These puns are making my Head hurt.

So all the vorshtein is at my fingertips?

"The New Yorker is stealing my ideas."

I can hardly conceive of such a thing.

I am not good with computar

I love to fuck your own mother!

So it's true then. Guns are freedom.

Over and over again, they blast 6,600 volts through him while some jerkoff films it.

If you said Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky, you are wrong! He was never beloved!

Once again, I thought I was on The Onion at first.

Children. Think. Please. Anyway, you know the bit.

I didn't say it was good.

Yeah. My cap is 1,200. Basic coverage is I think 30% for something like a root canal. I have issues with my teeth, but still can't really pursue treatment because even with insurance it's still well out of my price range.

Made a decision I'm not sure about concerning my job. There's never been anywhere for me to go here, and no likelihood of serious increases in salary in my current position. A position came up in my (tiny) department that I may very well have been suited for, but I made the decision not to pursue it because it would…

Dental insurance is all but nonexistent here. Mine pays considerably less for such procedures.

Wait, literally never?

Liked, but christ, man.

Stand Up And Shout - Dio
Hey Nonny, Nonny - Violent Femmes
Maxwell Murder - Rancid
UFO Story - The Flaming Lips
Chanbara - At The Drive-In

It's obviously parody.

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from
this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris
pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.