Okay, son, we had the birds and the bees talk last week, now we need to talk about adults and seething self-hatred.

Everyone's heard of Jedis, but who's ever heard of a "midi-chlorian"?

Gundar semen.

Did they have Voodoo Donuts on Alderaan? That'd be a damn shame.

He only gets really mad when you beat him at space chess.

There's a famous cut scene where everyone at the Hoth base just rips into Han for the morally reprehensible act of freezing an innocent tauntaun to death and then mutilating its body for the sake of two murderous humans.

To Jedi For

Well, Chewie does try to throttle the life from him.

Baby Porkins - this group needs a fat kid.

And remember, it's better to look good than to be good.

Without Boner Time, my clock isn't even right twice a day.

I'm gonna kill the bitch.

You know, it's funny. I've seen a number of people online praising that adaptation, much to my surprise. I actually thought it was worse than Lynch's - like, really, really bad. But you may want to check it out and make your own decision.

Isn't that what we all want?

You are so, so wrong. Dune is wonderful for all the wrong reasons, but god I just love it.

No. No it was not.

That's right, and I'm throwing away my collectible figurines as well.

Okay, I've finally reached my endpoint with all this. I'm now incapable of caring about the whens and the hows of the series. I'll read the books when they come out, I'll watch the show when it's on. Anything else, I don't care anymore.

But why?

I'll have you know these are Armani frames and they cost me a lot of money.